I could have gone to medical school, I said. Except for all the math and stuff.

I trudged around on the muddy river bottom for half an hour, patiently waiting to drown, before giving up and slogging my way back to shore.

There's more than one way for a girl to Google a cat.

I know it's practical for career women, but sneakers with suits? Jesus couldn't possibly weep harder than I did.

Has anyone ever told you that you lack focus?

I zoomed in on the shoe department like a blonde homing pigeon. Shoes, shoes everywhere! Ah, sweet shoes. I truly think you can take the measure of a civilization by looking at its footwear.

Yeah, well, it's been a super fun week. And by 'super fun' I mean 'horrible and endless'.