Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons." --Mr. Burns

Being a good embalmer is a thankless job.

We've been running a little behind schedule. But only by about 15 years or so.

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

Everybody is clever, just in their own ways

One of the great things about the Internet is that you can read what everybody has to say about everything. It is fascinating to me, the critiques about humor by people who have no sense of humor.

You know, I've been thinking. Everyone makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but usually the jelly drips out all over the side and the guy's hands get all sticky. But your jelly stays right in the middle where it's supposed to. I don't know how you do it? You just got a gift, I guess. I've always thought so. I've just never mentioned it. But it's time you knew how I feel. I don't believe in keeping feelings bottled up. Goodbye, my wife.