This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson
Part of the fun of being alive is knowing that you're annoying the hell out of someone else.
You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.
Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to be particularly proud of, either.
Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wiseguy?
I went through a phase where people would introduce me at parties as a cartoonist, and everybody felt sorry for me. 'Oh, Matt's a cartoonist.' Then people further feeling sorry for me would ask me to draw Garfield. Because I'm a cartoonist, draw Snoopy or Garfield or something.