I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

Lisa: 'Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?' Homer: 'Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.'

How can I be expected to love someone who tries such crude manipulations as bringing me breakfast in bed?

The entire world of grown-ups is corrupt and stupid.

I think people who work in comedy and humor are hesitant to analyze it too much, because you feel like if you take it apart, you'll break it and not be able to put it back together again.

I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.