Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wiseguy?

I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicrats for which they scam: one nacho, underpants with licorice and jugs of wine for owls.

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

American culture has a lot of great moustaches in its history. Mark Twain had a great moustache, Charlie Chaplin, Ben Turpin ... but Zappa, he's got the best moustache in American history. Got the moustache, right, and he's got that little thing on his chin, I think it's called an imperial, that is, like, the coolest thing. That's like one of the great icons of the twentieth century.

I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.

My standard comment is, If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson.