Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

I draw a weekly comic strip called Life in Hell, which is syndicated in about 250 newspapers. That's what I did before The Simpsons, and what I plan to do for the rest of my life.

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

Oftentimes, what seems to be a street lunatic charging at me spouting gibberish turns out to be a devoted 'Simpsons' fan quoting their favorite line.

'The Simpsons' basically - and 'Futurama' - are really smart shows. They're kind of disguised as these goofy animated sitcoms, but the references within the shows, if you're paying attention, are pretty smart and pretty sophisticated.

If God didn't want us to eat cows, why are they made out of meat?

Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same.