The world ends when I die. And as far as I'm concerned, the rest of the universe might as well call it a day too.

The tendency in comedy is to have a character who's stupid get more stupid, because you're trying to top yourself and not just repeat.

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

American culture has a lot of great moustaches in its history. Mark Twain had a great moustache, Charlie Chaplin, Ben Turpin ... but Zappa, he's got the best moustache in American history. Got the moustache, right, and he's got that little thing on his chin, I think it's called an imperial, that is, like, the coolest thing. That's like one of the great icons of the twentieth century.

If God didn't want us to eat cows, why are they made out of meat?

Did you hear something?" "No." "Did I hear something?" "...I don't know.

A lot of our writers, like Conan O'Brien, moved on to other things.