Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

How can I be expected to love someone who tries such crude manipulations as bringing me breakfast in bed?

It's just hard not to listen to TV: it's spent so much more time raising us than parents have.

Lisa: 'Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?' Homer: 'Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.'

Homer no function beer well without.

Oftentimes, what seems to be a street lunatic charging at me spouting gibberish turns out to be a devoted 'Simpsons' fan quoting their favorite line.

I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.