Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians.

Basically, everything I try to do is to present an alternative to what somebody else is doing.

Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.

Think beer; drink beer.

If people only knew how much I secretly hated them, they'd love me for holding it in.

'The Simpsons' basically - and 'Futurama' - are really smart shows. They're kind of disguised as these goofy animated sitcoms, but the references within the shows, if you're paying attention, are pretty smart and pretty sophisticated.

I'm not going to stop torturing myself till I figure out the cause of my pain.