When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces...I just know they're about to jab me with something.

The French are funny, sex is funny, and comedies are funny, yet no French sex comedies are funny.

I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.

'Adult Swim' on the Cartoon Network is unbelievable. And 'South Park' continues to do great stuff. And 'Family Guy' and the various other Seth MacFarlane projects are amazing.

Being a good embalmer is a thankless job.

Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to be particularly proud of, either.

Keep your expectations tiny you'll go through life not so whiney.