When you're as important as I am, getting your feelings hurt by me is almost an honor.

This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson

It's just hard not to listen to TV: it's spent so much more time raising us than parents have.

I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

Did you hear something?" "No." "Did I hear something?" "...I don't know.