Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to be particularly proud of, either.

The next time you are contemplating a decision in which you are debating whether or not to go for the gusto, ask yourself this important question: "How long am I going to be dead?" With that perspective, you can now make a free, fearless choice to do just about any goddamned sneaky thing your devious little mind can think up. Go ahead. Have your fun. You're welcome. Go on. See you in hell.

My life changed when I was able to not only get seated in nice restaurants, I was given free appetizers. That was like, "Oh, my God, I've arrived".

The French are funny, sex is funny, and comedies are funny, yet no French sex comedies are funny.

A woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!

No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

'The Simpsons' obviously is a huge success, and Fox has nothing to do with its success, with its creative success, and as a result they don't really like the show. They don't like 'The Simpsons' at Fox.