Ninety percent of video game AI really is pretty damn bad. I think that's actually why it's so much fun to shoot things. Because the AI is so bad and the characters are so annoying.

I was like: I'm going to ask her [Julia Roberts] out but I'm going to be very nervous about it. Then she said yes, I got even more nervous.

I love the idea of 'the one' but I actually believe that there isn't a Miss Right. There are 12,000 Miss Rights out there and it's all timing.

To be a comedian, you have to have some darkness behind it. I certainly draw on my past, and it helps.

When I die, I'd like 'Friends' to be listed behind 'helping people.'

The funniest thing is when somebody says "Look I've no idea who you are but my friend said you are on a show and I just wanted to introduce myself" you know that they are lying! Those people can just get out of my way.

I have a well-documented history of trouble with intimacy.