Why should I waste my good time making a straight dramatic film? The people who can't make you laugh can do that.

All right, I am often brash, rude and brutally direct. Someday I'm going to die and I don't have time to toe-dance around the periphery of hatred.

There's not enough bad taste! I LOVE bad taste! I live for bad taste! I am the spokesman for bad taste!

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

I've always loved songwriting, and I vowed to be a songwriter like Cole Porter when I was only 9 years old.

THE 2,000-YEAR-OLD MAN'S SECRETS OF LONGEVITY 1. Don't run for a bus - there'll always be another. 2. Never, ever touch fried food. 3. Stay out of a Ferrari or any other small Italian car. 4. Eat fruit - a nectarine - even a rotten plum is good.

Well, just being stupid and politically incorrect doesn't work. You can be politically incorrect if you're smart.