No one would argue against the fact that L.A. leads the country in opportunities for being hip and pretentious.

They were soul mates, my mother and father. They claimed to adore each other, as if the word 'adore' meant 'argue with ceaselessly.

I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.

Every moment of your life that is not a complete nightmare is happiness.

We are pretty sure that we and our pets share the same reality, until one day we come home to find that our wistful, intelligent friend who reminds us of our better self has decided a good way to spend the day is to open a box of Brillo pads, unravel a few, distribute some throughout the house, and eat or wear all the rest. And we shake our heads in an inability to comprehend what went wrong here.

You just never know when it might be cookie time. And, that is what the dogs have taught me.

The day is divided into two important sections: Mealtimes and everything else.