I probably should be thinking of better ideas on how to promote myself, but I don't really spend a lot of time doing it. I really don't know how to promote effectively.

I don't necessarily self-identify as a writer, 'cause it implies a certain level of intelligence.

I thought I'd be living a much more bohemian life and be very poor. I never thought I'd do comedy or be married living in the suburbs. Every time I try to plan my life out it just doesn't come to pass, and I think that's a great experience.

Whatever I write I publish. Because that's where the money is.

Hosting a show, even a talk show or a game show, there's so much business you have to conduct. There's so much guiding you have to do.

The global business climate is likewhatever, dude.

You can't write a children's book that takes more than five or six minutes to read, because it will drive the parents batty. It has to be compact. Nobody thinks about the parents when they write these stupid books. I could write longer children's books, but it would actually be bad if I did.