Women gather together to wear silly hats, eat dainty food, and forget how unresponsive their husbands are. Men gather to talk sports, eat heavy food, and forget how demanding their wives are. Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.

The plague of government is senile delinquency.

Pull yourself together' is seldom said to anyone who can.

It's terrifying to see someone inside of whom a vital spring seems to have been broken. It's particularly terrifying to see him in your mirror.

Always live up to your standards — by lowering them, if necessary.

Life marks us all down, so it's just as well that we start out by overpricing ourselves.

Minor vices lead to major ones, but minor virtues stay put.