The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well.

No matter how many Christmas presents you give your child, there's always that terrible moment when he's opened the very last one. That's when he expects you to say, 'Oh yes, I almost forgot,' and take him out and show him the pony.

The neurotic listens to weather reports about Small Craft Warnings, and he thinks: They're talking about me.

How strange that the young should always think the world is against them - when in fact that is the only time it is for them.

Humiliation is a vast country of imprecise boundaries. If you think you're there, you are. The neurotic rule: when in doubt, go ahead and feel humiliated.

The woman just ahead of you at the supermarket checkout has all the delectable groceries you didn't even know they carried.

Neurotics expect you to remember all the things that they tell you, and many that they don't.