In the theater, as in life, we prefer a villain with a sense of humor to a hero without one.

An old racetrack joke reminds you that your program contains all the winners' names. I stare at my typewriter keys with the same thought.

There's only one person who needs a glass of water oftener than a small child tucked in for the night, and that's a writer sitting down to write.

The neurotic doesn't know how to cope with his emotional bills; some he keeps paying over and over, others he never pays at all.

A husband only worries about a particular Other Man; a wife distrusts her whole species.

How can a man marry wisely in his twenties? The girl he's going to wind up wanting hasn't even been born.

Forget about calories - everything makes thin people thinner, and fat people fatter.