Altruism is a hard master, but so is opportunism.

There's nothing wrong with most men's egos that the kowtowing of a headwaiter can't cure.

In church, sacred music would make believers of us all — but preachers can be counted on to restore the balance.

The neurotic doesn't know how to cope with his emotional bills; some he keeps paying over and over, others he never pays at all.

It's hard to feel middle-aged, because how can you tell how long you are going to live?

If you see in your children most of your own faults, you have failed as a parent, but succeeded as a neurotic.

What's for dinner is the only question many husbands ask their wives, and the only one to which they care about the answer.