People are like birds: on the wing, all beautiful; up close, all beady little eyes.

The neurotic doesn't know how to cope with his emotional bills; some he keeps paying over and over, others he never pays at all.

Each day, the American housewife turns toward television as toward a lover. She feels guilty about it, and well she might, for he's covered with warts and is only after her money.

Money: in its absence, we are coarse; in its presence, we are vulgar.

Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it.

It's impossible to be loyal to your family, your friends, your country, and your principles, all at the same time.

Spiritual sloth, or acedia, was known as The Sin of the Middle Ages. It's the sin of my middle age, too.