No matter how many Christmas presents you give your child, there's always that terrible moment when he's opened the very last one. That's when he expects you to say, 'Oh yes, I almost forgot,' and take him out and show him the pony.

The way the neurotic sees it: bars on his door mean that he's locked in; bars on your door mean that he's locked out.

The trouble with women is men; the trouble with men, men.

Comfort, or revelation: God owes us one of these, but surely not both.

What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures.

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

We cough because we can't help it, but others do it on purpose.