I try to think up material that might apply to the subjects they are studying. How many mitochondria does it take to power a cell? One. Because mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell. Not ready for prime time, that one.

The people who are the worst at news, who kind of engage in what I call the World Wrestling of news, have kind of set the bar for where news is.

The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion.

When you're in a relationship with someone who's selfish, what keeps you in it is the fact that when they shine on you, it's this souped-up shine. And you feel like you're in the club. And you don't even know what club it is. You just know you want to stay in it.

I don't drink a lot. My family calls me an old soul. And my friends call me a pussy.

Does anyone know a word that rhymes with shark?

Comedy is tragedy plus time, but the time is different for everybody.