I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Comedy unites, it doesn't divide!

Alienation, I suppose, can't be hackneyed because it will always exist.

I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.

I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.

Where art and business intersect is a challenging hurdle for a lot of people, reconciling the fact that not everyone is going to make it in the same way. Yeah, you have to be a little selfish, probably.

I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"