Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jokes about other people or make jokes about themselves. I chose myself.

Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.

I didn't realize how good I was with computers until I met my parents.

I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

I think the reason why I'm so alluring to networks is because on the surface I'm like a quintessential relatable, boring white guy. A great many sitcoms have been anchored by a boring white guy, so I feel like what they want to mine from me are my more generic qualities.

The key is to do what you love.