I didn't realize how good I was with technology until I met my parents... my dad told me "You're good; you should be a computer programmer." I said, "You're bad... you should be a caveman."

The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion.

I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral. Which I thought was cocky.

There is no such thing as #1 in art.

I never looked at my parents' marriage or really anyone who had been married more than 30 years and thought, 'I gotta get me some of that!'

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

In my twenties, I thought it was getting a sitcom. Then I got a sitcom pilot in my early thirties, and realized I didn't want it. It was a rude awakening. When it wasn't picked up, I was crushed, but then in retrospect I've made two films and produced three one-man shows since then. It's the luckiest thing that happened in my life.