People getting along doesn't sell very well in the news. I find that to be deeply depressing. I don't even talk about it on stage, because it would take too long to explain.

The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion.

I just don't give off a great first impression.

I wrote on my desk wall when I was writing the film...'Art is socialism, but life is capitalism.' That's the hard thing in all of it if you expect to make a living.

I didn't realize how good I was with technology until I met my parents... my dad told me "You're good; you should be a computer programmer." I said, "You're bad... you should be a caveman."

I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.

I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out.