Even if you're fat, one thing always fits: shoes.

I wasn’t invited to be on staff at the Simpsons because they didn’t want any women on staff at the time.

How to Tell If Shoes Fit: Walking around the shoe store is not going to tell you any more than test-driving a car around a showroom. And those little mirrors? That's so you can tell how your cat is going to like your shoes. The real way to tell how shoes fit is how badly you want them.

What becomes of the broken-hearted? They buy shoes.

Your wedding will not be what you think it is going to be, no matter what you think it is going to be.

Remember when you were eleven years old and you thought how great it would be to get your period? And then you got it? That's what planning a wedding is like.

Being popular is important. Otherwise people might not like you.