People seem to be having these awesome sex lives and I'm just trying to find a life partner to go apple picking with. What's wrong with me?

Later, when you're grown up, you realize you never really get to hang out with your family. You pretty much have only eighteen years to spend with them full time, and that's it.

Bribes and boy bands. That’s all you need to be a babysitter.

I'd rather be like Odysseus than someone who was handed everything.

If I’m at a party where I’m not enjoying myself, I will put some cookies in my jacket pocket and leave without saying good-bye.

It's really sweet when people tweet at me and say I'm their spirit animal or 'I wish she was my best friend,' which is the nicest compliment. For me, it's like, doing television is so personal because you're in people's homes, so the fact that people feel that way means so much to me.

Why wear white? It's like, forget about dropping something on it. I don't understand how anybody wears white.