Last guy I was interested in turned out to be an incestuous necrophiliac," she said. "So no, not currently dating, and definitely not doing any more shopping in the 'sociopath' category

I guess in the end, it doesn’t matter what we wanted. What matters is what we chose to do with the things we had.

There comes a point when you need to get over the fear and get on with your life, and a lot of people don’t seem to be capable of that anymore. From blood tests to gated communities, we have embraced the cult of fear, and now we don’t seem to know how to put it back where it belongs.

Well, that’s that, then. We’re all going to die. Charming.

Why is it you assholes always feel the need to tell the media your evil plans before you kill us?” asked Becks. “Is it a union requirement or something?

His idea of traffic safety is going too fast for the cops to catch up.

Some people say I have issues. I say those people need to expand their horizons because I don't have issues, I have the Library of Congress