Never tempt fate. It plays for keeps.

Any good Irwin can make going to the corner store for a candy bar and a Coke lood death defying and suicidal.

Alive or dead, the truth won't rest. Rise up while you can.

Repetition is sometimes the best way to deal with the Luideag: just keep saying the same thing over and over until she gets fed up and gives you what you want. All preschoolers have an instinctive grasp of this concept, but most don’t practice it on immortal water demons. That’s probably why there are so few disembowelments in your average preschool.

The problem with people who say monsters don't really exist is that they're almost never saying it to the monsters." —Alice Healy

There is nothing truer in this world than the love of a good dog.

My manners have always been the first thing to go when I get upset, and some people say that they stopped coming back a long time ago.​