It's a real man who can go out with a woman who's taller than he is. That's an alpha male right there.

I don't know who St. Valentine was, but I hope he died alone, surrounded by couples.

You need to know that even as life develops in superficially disappointing ways, there is still fun to be had.

I own nothing of value at all. I spend money on experiences.

Get me a skinny frappuccino. I have no idea what that is - I would like to think you would be presented with a tiny Italian man.

some of my happiest funniest times have been spent in offices. Perhaps because the work was mudane, even the tiniest of distractions become wildly hilarious and wonderful. Actually, I'd say that 90 per cent of my doubled-over-gasping-with-laughther-laughing-so-much-that-you-can't-breathe-and-you-think-you-might-die laughing has occurred during slow days in offices.

I want to be more physical and theatrical within the stand-up. There might be dance moments, and people better watch out - I will gallop.