I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if it's in threes. He has three apples left, I guess I can't have one. I wouldn't want to screw up his practice routine.

If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

A friend gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, because he's afflicted, but I'm not. So what happened to me is I suddenly had an extra-long attention span. People would tell me a story, and it would end, and I'd get all mad. "Come on, man, there has to be more to that story."

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.

I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.

Swiss Cheese is a rip-off It's the only cheese I can bite into and miss