I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.

If you boat a lot, you're known as a boating enthusiast. I like to boat, but I just don't want to ever be referred to as a 'boating enthusiast'. I hope they call me 'a guy who likes to boat'.

My girlfriend is named Lynn. She spells her name "Lynn". My old girlfriend's name is Lyn, too, but she spells it "Lyn". Every now and then I screw up, I call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name, and she can tell because I don't say "n" as long.

I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.

I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.