I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.

I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!

I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.