I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race; we will prevail!

I've never stayed at a bed and breakfast. If I did, I figure you would start to get hungry! "Is that all you got around here? Well, maybe you can direct me to a chair lunch dinner."

I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant, 'cause 'The customer is always right'.

Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.

I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.

I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.