Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.

XM radio doesn't have commercials, so after about thirty minutes of listening to it, I'm like, "What should I buy?"

My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on.

I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, "I'm mailing those cookies to my friend." So I couldn't have one. You shouldn't make cookies untouchable.

I have a "Do Not Disturb" sign on my hotel door. It's time to go to "Don't Disturb". It's been "Do Not" for too long. We should embrace the contraction.