I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!

Look at the limes in this drink, how they float. That's good news. Next time I'm on a boat, and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime. I'm saved by the buoyancy of citrus.

I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.

Advil has a candy coating. It's delicious. Then it says on the bottle, do not have more than two. Then why do they have a candy coating? I cannot help myself. Let me have ten Advil, I have a sweet tooth.

I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.

Yeah, I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot!

My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. But I don't want 'em to, you know, I'm like "Hey, hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf."