I hate sandwiches at New York delis. Too much meat on the sandwich. It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. "Would you like anything else with the pastrami sandwich?" "Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people!"
Mitch HedbergIt's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.
Mitch HedbergI saw soda pop for $1.20 a six pack. That price messes with your head. You start thinking you're gonna sell soda pop. Suddenly I've got packs of pop with me. "Looking to buy some pop? 50 cents a can. It's not refrigerated because this is a half-assed commitment!"
Mitch HedbergI like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing.
Mitch Hedberg