Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"
Mitch HedbergIf you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!"
Mitch HedbergMy roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.
Mitch HedbergKnock on wood is a saying for good luck. I think that started when someone went to someone's door to see if someone was home. "I hope Joe's home, knock on wood!"
Mitch HedbergI'm always on the road, and I drive rental cars. Sometimes I don't know what's going on with the car, and I'll drive for ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. What kind of emergency is this? I need to not stop now. It's not really an emergency brake, it's an emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.
Mitch Hedberg