You know when you see an advertisement for a casino, and they have a picture of a guy winning money? That's false advertising, because that happens the least. That's like if you're advertising a hamburger, they could show a guy choking. "This is what happened once."
Mitch HedbergI was going to stay overnight at my friend's house - he said, "you'll have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity! You don't know how bad I wanted to sleep on the wall.
Mitch HedbergYou should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.
Mitch Hedberg