When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

I saw a lady on TV, she was born without arms. That's sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't'." That, to me, is even worse in a way. Not only is she missing arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's easy, Lola - you just take two words, put them together, take out the middle letters, put in a comma, and you raise it up!

Come on 'long prosperous life!'

P.S. - This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.