I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple. 14 year old boys working twelve hour days? "Yeah, but they're comfortable!"

I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.

It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa Where's my wallet But, hey this song is funky.

I made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought ridiculous stuff. I bought a snake bite emergency kit. Then I said to my friends, "Don't even worry about snakes anymore". My friend stepped on a worm, and I said, "Lay down!"

I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt."

I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once... so I can make a cart.