Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

I have no problem not listening to the Temptations.

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

I went to a tent store. "What kind of tent do you need?" "Circus."

I like when they say a movie is inspired by a true story. That's kind of silly. "Hey, Mitch, did you hear that story about that lady who drove her car into the lake with her kids and they all drowned?" "Yeah, I did, and you know what - that inspires me to write a movie about a gorilla!"

I get the Reese's candy bar. You look at that, there's an apostrophe-s there. That means the candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time you're eating a Reese's candy bar, and a guy named Reese comes by and says, "Gimme that", you better hand it over.