We don't have to fix anything.

One time I stayed at a haunted motel. When I checked into my room, there was a sheet on the floor, and I thought it was a ghost that had passed out, so I kicked it.

If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.

I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."

I was booked into the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas with three other comedians. We all were using the Riviera in-house shampoo, so we all had equal shine and bounce.

I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

I thought I'd go to a craft fair, and there would be a jar of jellybeans there - "Guess how many jellybeans are in this jar, and win a prize". Aw, come on, man, let just me have some. I'll tell you what, guess how many jellybeans I want! If you guessed a handful, you are right.