I saw a lady on TV, she was born without arms. That's sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't'." That, to me, is even worse in a way. Not only is she missing arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's easy, Lola - you just take two words, put them together, take out the middle letters, put in a comma, and you raise it up!
Mitch HedbergMy friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'
Mitch HedbergIf I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.
Mitch HedbergI like it when you buy something and pay with a credit card, they put your credit card on the receipt, but only the last four numbers. Aha! I'm really good at guessing twelve numbers. I can't guess 16 numbers, so thanks for the assistance!
Mitch Hedberg