I wrote a script, and I gave it to a guy who reads scripts, and he read it, and he liked it, but he said he thinks I ought to re-write it. I said, "Fuck that - I'll just make a copy!"

If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!"

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

I know people who believe in ghosts but don't believe in themselves.

I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.