I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.

Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.

I have found when I look at an audience that the expressions on the peoples' faces aren't always up to par with the sounds that they're making. A crowd can sound like they're having a good time when your eyes are closed but if you open your eyes, the looks on some of those faces don't equal the sound.

Yeah, I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot!

How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.