I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized!

I’d like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It’d be so damn literal! You are using that machine to it’s exact purpose!

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I like those blow-up beds. "This becomes a full size bed in three minutes!" Well, a mattress kicks your ass. Zero seconds. "Yeah, but you can store this thing." You can store a bed, too - in the bedroom.

It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa Where's my wallet But, hey this song is funky.

I bought a house, it's a two bedroom house, but I think it's up to me to decide how many bedrooms there are. This bedroom has an oven in it. This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom is over in that other guy's house.

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.