I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized!

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

Say, I was on The Craig Kilbourne Show and the next day I flew to Minneapolis. I was at the airport and a guy came up. He said, 'Dude, I saw you on TV last night.' But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good, he just confirmed that I was on television. So I turned my head away from him for about a minute, then I turned it back. I said, 'Dude, I saw you at the airport about a minute ago. And you were good.'

I mumble a lot when im off stage, so a lot of times when im with a friend i'll say something and he'll be like what, and i'll say it again and he'll be like what, and i'll say it again and he'll still be like what, so now he's got me yellin. Man that tree is far away