I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number. It started with 555.

I'm not into sports. I mean...I like Gatorade, but that's as far as it goes.

The only way I could get my old CD into stores is if I took one in and leave it. "Sir, you forgot this." "No, I did not. That is for sale. Please alphabetize it."

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

XM radio doesn't have commercials, so after about thirty minutes of listening to it, I'm like, "What should I buy?"

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?