I like it when you buy something and pay with a credit card, they put your credit card on the receipt, but only the last four numbers. Aha! I'm really good at guessing twelve numbers. I can't guess 16 numbers, so thanks for the assistance!

One time I stayed at a haunted motel. When I checked into my room, there was a sheet on the floor, and I thought it was a ghost that had passed out, so I kicked it.

2-in-1 is a stupid term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.

Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.

I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.

Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!

I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.