I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

The Kit Kat candy bar has the name Kit Kat imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That's a clever chocolate-saving technique.

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

When you're doing a show on stage, and they show you a red light, that means you have 5 minutes left. At some clubs, they hold a candle up in the back. That's the worst method. You're up here, and then you see a floating candle. "Oh, no! This place is haunted!" I can't be funny when I'm frightened.

I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.

When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn't get out, something is seriously wrong.

When it comes to racism, you hear people say, "I don't care if people are white, black, purple or green." Hold on, now, purple or green? Come on now, you gotta draw the line somewhere.