Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying.

It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa Where's my wallet But, hey this song is funky.

I wrote a script, and I gave it to a guy who reads scripts, and he read it, and he liked it, but he said he thinks I ought to re-write it. I said, "Fuck that - I'll just make a copy!"

If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb!

A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit.