If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.

If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.

I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really drunk.

A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.